CONSPIRACY THEORY

(Military Control Experiments)  

I think that the military, esp. the Air Force, is running experiments on regular citizens in society to see how they can control their lives. To test out new products/weapons for their own purposes as well as learning about human nature by seeing how far they can push individuals before they break. I almost think that it's like a testing process more for becoming something of importance if you do well, rather than a torture procedure.

I truly believe that there are children being brainwashes at some point in their lives and they literally have a alter egos that are completely undetected. They have knowledge that is totally unknown and hidden even from themselves. But this all comes out when the mind control signals, or what ever.. , and then recedes back in just as fast.

I have always been "different" as a child. I was alone a lot, (I was an only child being raised by a single mother very early in my life), But I also was lucky enough to become part of a family when my mom re-married when I was 6 and I adopted a step-father and a step-sister who was just a baby. Although she was around fairly often, by that age, I was already a loner, very independent, intelligent and very shy. I always believed that this was the cause of my "not fitting in" problem. I did okay with people but I had to really try hard just to have a good friend. I was very emotional and over-sensitive, and kids made fun of me or talked about me constantly. I'm 38 now and nothing has changed. The kids just got older and meaner.

I read a lot and over the last 5 years I have been doing research into all the things that ail me, all the things that I have never understood, never been able to control or attempt to change. All of the cruelty, unfairness, and just plan wickedness that has been cast my way was unbearable. So when I found out others out there where having the same problems as me, and where just as confused, I realized that we were all very much a like in personality, likes/dislikes, beliefs and temperament. We all were equally as confused as the other.

Maybe we were born this way and that's where the testing begins- maybe it's our blood type? or the way our heads are shaped? or we smelled good at birth?, but we are all alike in the fact that we're all "different" we've been singled out from the rest, and for no particular reason, as far back as we can remember.

The conclusion that I have come up with is this, I have very strong intuitive abilities, (I have always had them), and since I was a loner, as well as an only child, who was somewhat intelligent; they found me, But these same qualities are what keeps me separated from the norm. I have never learned the simple understanding of "boundaries". The simple understanding that there is a boundary between people that you stop at when is appears. I never needed one, being alone a lot, so understandably; I never had to produce one. I never learned about this hidden wall thing and I have never recognized anyone else's as well. I do have the gift of seeing through to the soul and can be very helpful in helping someone who is trying to find themselves in whatever way. But a lot of people are not ready to dig that deep into themselves when they meet me. I can see thru them and  I always seem to end up pulling out shit that was not ever supposed to be out. Their secrets that are hidden inside, the secrets that they are terrified of, and when I discover them and acknowledge them, or even just convey the fact that I know about them, people get angry, mad. insecure. ashamed and then scared. And it all come back out on me. I probably deserve the shit people do to hurt me because they are very vulnerable around me, and they know that I walk thru life unprotected, so they take a swing, make the connection and then they run. I uncover their skeletons, and bring them out, just so they can use those old bones to beat me with. But in the end...they're gone, the people I upset go into their final frenzy, and then, finally... they are free... all because I saw something that I shouldn't had and I end up beckoning it out  for the soul purpose of attacking me. So what am I; an unconscious martyr or something? I don't  really mind after all this time, I am rather good at it after all ... But what about me? I have a basement of bottomless bullshit that I need to bitch out...where do I go?  It's sad because here is this beautiful, compassionate, intelligent and still alone at 38 years old woman that needs somebody  to just "throw the dog a bone", please?

I think I passed all those years of tests, when do I get my trophies? My awards? My friendships and loves? Does anyone else out there have even a clue as to what I'm I feeling?... And the fact that it is just a small ,kind thing, that would satisfy me for a long while?  If you do, bless your heart and I wish you all the luck in the world.... maybe someday our paths will cross and my wish will be fulfilled....

Merry Christmas everyone...

 

Written by Yvonne (USA)

December 10th 2004

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